why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
