You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
