I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
