Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
