i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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