Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
