i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
