i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I will die if light touches me.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
