I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
