lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
