i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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