I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize