Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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