The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize