So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize