I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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