Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
