sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize