His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
