I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
