I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
