.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
