i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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