Will you blow on my dice?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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