I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
