Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
