Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
