First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
