Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
