Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
