I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize