ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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