Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
