Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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