just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
