HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
