My friends, they love my intelligence
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Watching her eat just hurts me
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
