i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
