I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
