for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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