Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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