Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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