swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
