They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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