And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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