I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
