I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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