i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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