I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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