My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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