We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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