How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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