I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
