YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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