escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
