i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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