Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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