Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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