I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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