I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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