pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
