I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Randomize