You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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