Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
