I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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