NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize