I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
