happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
