the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
