Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
