Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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