so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
