you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize