the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
