maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
