do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
