Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
