I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
