The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
